Hello people.

Today I wanted to talk with you about one thing that has been following me as long as I can remember.

Since I was young I had always been really shy and quiet. I had worlds inside my head and liked to live inside them rather than joining a conversation. Whenever I had to give a presentation in front of my class I was shaking and sweating from nervousness. I can't stand talking to strangers and I avoid eye contact. There is no chance of me starting a conversation or asking for something because I am simply afraid.

Still to this day I my shyness makes my life a bit more complicated.

Almost every time I talk to somebody I leave out huge bits of the sentence I am saying. I just swallow the first words and continue with the rest of the sentence normally. Just because I am used to not really talk and stand more in the background. I am afraid to bother or annoy people with too much talking. They reassure me very often that I am certainly not, but I still feel like it. I can't help it.
Sometimes participating in class can be so hard. Especially if I want to make a good point and talk about it longer I simply can't because my voice is cracking and I feel as though I am starting to lisp and talk very inarticulate. I start losing focus and just end my sentence before I managed to come to an end. 

Though it does always depend on the persons I am with. I can be with my friends in a café for hours and hours and chat about life. I can joke carelessly and sing and shout and be very outgoing.

But if I don't feel "sure" about the person I am with I become insecure. I tend to talk less. I don't joke around as much. I laugh more reticent. I stutter and feel insecure about my voice. I squeeze my hands and cramp my shoulders weirdly. I avoid eye contact.

Is that even shyness? I don't even know..