Hey people.

Yesterday was my first day of school after the winter holidays.
And in every lesson our teachers greeted us like so:

Hello class! Happy New Year! Especially for you! This will be exciting. Like, this is the year!  I hope you'll have a successful year. This year will decide over your future! Who knows what you'll be doing today in a year. Hopefully you do. 
Your last year in school, that is indeed exciting. When are your A-Levels? OH, in two months already, well, I hope y'all have started studying already? No? Well that's not good..
Anyway, let's talk about all the things you have to know for your A-Levels because it will definitely be important somehow. 

Like, THANK YOU, I am already stressed out but that you for adding to that.

In English class we even had to form groups and talk about our future and we literally called our group "Team Existential Crisis".. that says it all.


But jokes aside.
It is very scary to think of everything that way.
The last year in which I'll go to school.
The year I am writing my A-Levels in.
The year I am moving out.
The year my whole life will change.

...How is that not scary to some people?
I do have plans for my future, like, many plans. I want to go to England in September. I want to study to become a teacher for English and Music. I want to travel a lot. I want to meet a lot of people and be happy.
But that is the point. What if all of this does not make me happy?

What if I am in England (IF I manage to find a job and a room eventually) and miss home and just feel like I don't fit in and don't find my place.
What if I start studying and notice that I am really hating it or that I am not good enough or that teaching is just not the thing I want to do the rest of my life?
What if..?

source: tumblr

My future, and I am talking like very close future, consists of a lot of "What if's..." and a lot of challenges.
But, as my English teacher said today, challenges always have a small connotation of fear and anxiety. Because you have to possibility to fail the challenge. And depending on what kind of person you are, you focus more or less on the bad outcome of the upcoming challenge.

Weird, isn't it?
Because thinking: "Oh, I might not like teaching." doesn't get me any further, it does the opposite, it makes me step away and reconsider for the hundredth time, just to be where I was before I started panicking.

Where do I go from here? 
Well, as simple as it sounds, it is very true: My future is completely in my hands and depends on my decisions. That is partially the scary part, but also the exciting and, in a way, encouraging part.
If I don't get up off my ass and start to properly look for jobs and rooms in Brighton - I can't go.
If I don't inform myself about different carriers and paths I could take instead of teaching I can't compare and might not be able to do what I really want to do.

I have the power to completely design my life the way I want it to be.
And I want to use it.
If that means to study for my A-Level exams even though I absolutely hate biology (lol) I need to do it. For my education, my exams, my job, my life.
Sounds simple. Doing it isn't so much, but I'll try and stick to it.


What about you? 
Have you already finished school?
Are you also currently where I am, deciding what your future will look like?
Or do you still have many many years to go?

I am actually curious, please tell me in the comments!